Trapped

I think I need an internet vacation. My brain is bored.

The Truth

So I'm about to get personal,which I have been hesitant about since my blog isn't private. But I'm pretty sure I only have two readers. If this isn't true, and you're a creeper up in here, just make me aware. Or don't. Since you're a creeper.

Anyways, I've been angry. Really angry. And it's seeping through and affecting other areas of my life and it's been negatively affecting my relationship. I didn't realize this until I was thinking about my motto: "Own Your Truth". It got me to thinking about my truth. And I realized I'm pissed.

My mom and step-dad of 18 years are going through the big "D" right now. I have been an advocate for this for a few years, so I was doing the happy dance when she told me this was finally happening. Well,  OK it was more like a bitter, spiteful dance that left me feeling sad and crying. I felt sad for my mom and all her struggles since really the beginning and for my two youngest half-siblings. Divorce sucks anyway you slice it. I've been through it twice before. It is a disgusting, devastating feeling that I don't think anyone can understand until they've been there.
But my tears quickly turned to anger, and this anger really hasn't left me, well...ever, really. I don't know how to let it go. I don't know how to let go of everything he put my mom through. Everything he put me and my brothers and sisters through. I don't know how to erase the things I know, the things I saw, the things I heard. But I know I need to. Because I need to live my life without this dark cloud over my head. Because I need to be able to be happy. Because I need to move on.
 

Nothing Compares

There is nothing quite like a summer night in Utah. I just rode my grandma's pink beach cruiser all around my childhood neighborhood. A storm is moving in, so there is a slight breeze and I could see the lightning flashing in the Salt Lake valley. I smiled and laughed the whole time as a flood of my childhood memories came rushing back. I love the nostalgia associated with coming home. I had a few moments where I felt close to my grandma. She sat on that bike seat, she held those handlebars, she felt the wind on her face. And I did, too.

A Good Ol' Redneck Time

I present to you...Marilyn Monmullet...Redneck Starlet!

And There Were 3

Went to Utah over the weekend to see my lil' buddy graduate from high school. So exciting! We had a fun little party for him on Thursday to celebrate. I'm so proud of him and can't wait to see what the future holds for him. He is going to the U in the fall (my alma mater).

May Days

Just some fun pics from May. Had 5 friends' birthdays, downtown Fayettville, Carowinds amusement park, had a rocking dance party, bowled for charity with the cutest "little brother" around and had a great May with my friends.

Bittersweet

I'm so proud of the boy for his new big boy lawyer job. I'm so grateful for the love and mutual respect we have for each other that allows us to follow our dreams and acheive our goals. I'm thankful to my for mother teaching me about grace in the face of challenges-big or small. Things don't always go how I imagined they would and that's OK. Life is good. All this to say-I'm sad he is moving two hours away for his big boy job, but I'm excited to see where the future takes us. I'll miss him in my everyday, but I'll love the weekends even more.

Class of 2010

I get to see this dude in 4 days. This dude graduates from high school in 5 days. This dude has made me proud for 6750 days.

Heart

It's a little bit broken. It's a little bit sad.

Like Nobody Else

Said it once and I'll say it again: There is nobody else like Chels (no, she is not my only friend, but is my BEST friend). Always there.

Defensive

I really, really  need to work on being less defensive. With everyone and everywhere. Today I proceeded to rip my little sister a new one for a misinterpreted text message (really, Julia?!) and at work I found myself feeling defensive (however, did not rip anyone a new one) and at a volunteer meeting (where I did show my defensiveness more than I should have). I do it with Gavin all the time and with my friends-it usually ruins a good joke or silly banter. I need to lighten up and not take things so personally. I wonder why I do? Guess it will be my mid-week challenge to CHILL.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

On Sunday, the Painter & I went to the Farmer's Market. Not much produce, but LOTS of flowers. So many flowers. I was in heaven! Anyways, I guess the spring weather and my genetic green thumb (Mom and Grandma Cox) just took over and we walked away with some funky flowers to put in the flower bed and some strawberries to grow out back. We just spent the perfect southern spring evening planting the flowers we bought along with some awesome Zinnia seeds Chelsey put in my Easter basket. It's too dark now to get a picture of our work, but I'm excited to see them bloom. Hopefully they will look like this!

I also hit up Ross and got some new workout garb. I got some legging capris, 2 sports bras, a tank and a cute weekend Periwinkle dress all for $48.00-I love deals!! I'm kind of iffy on the dress-it was only $15.00, but I really need to be buying summertime work clothes since I have like none...since I didn't have a job last summer...which was awesome by the way. But I'm glad I have a job, and a job I like with people I like.

Let's see what else?  I still haven't done my measurements. I don't know why I delay it, just lazy, I guess. Today was an awesome workout. I did the "Cindy" (which is funny since my workout partner is Cindy) which is for 20 minutes as many rounds as you can do: 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups & 15 squats. Doesn't sound too bad, huh? I thought it was gonna be cake...I was wiped! I think I got 12 rounds in, but I'm going to say I got 10 in just to be safe. I stopped counting after 6 or 7...I was concentrating on keeping my pace and trying not to die. I also did the Crossfit WOD (workout of the day) from last week sometime which was: run 1 mile, rest 3 minutes, run 3/4 mile, rest 2 minutes; run 1/2 mile, rest 1 minute, run 1/4 mile. I kept a pace of about 7:45-8:05. I was pushing it hard. I think I did it all with the rests in about 30 minutes. I think tomorrow I will start at 2 miles and take it down-it was really fun! Oh and I did half of ab ripperX (P90X) and need to finish before I go to bed-I love it, it hurts so good!!!

I'm already looking forward to tomorrow morning which is: 

As many for 30 minutes:
    * 400m run (2.5 laps)
    * 5 burpees
    * 10 body rows
    * 15 wall ball tosses
    * 20 push ups