Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The Truth
So I'm about to get personal,which I have been hesitant about since my blog isn't private. But I'm pretty sure I only have two readers. If this isn't true, and you're a creeper up in here, just make me aware. Or don't. Since you're a creeper.
Anyways, I've been angry. Really angry. And it's seeping through and affecting other areas of my life and it's been negatively affecting my relationship. I didn't realize this until I was thinking about my motto: "Own Your Truth". It got me to thinking about my truth. And I realized I'm pissed.
My mom and step-dad of 18 years are going through the big "D" right now. I have been an advocate for this for a few years, so I was doing the happy dance when she told me this was finally happening. Well, OK it was more like a bitter, spiteful dance that left me feeling sad and crying. I felt sad for my mom and all her struggles since really the beginning and for my two youngest half-siblings. Divorce sucks anyway you slice it. I've been through it twice before. It is a disgusting, devastating feeling that I don't think anyone can understand until they've been there.
But my tears quickly turned to anger, and this anger really hasn't left me, well...ever, really. I don't know how to let it go. I don't know how to let go of everything he put my mom through. Everything he put me and my brothers and sisters through. I don't know how to erase the things I know, the things I saw, the things I heard. But I know I need to. Because I need to live my life without this dark cloud over my head. Because I need to be able to be happy. Because I need to move on.
Anyways, I've been angry. Really angry. And it's seeping through and affecting other areas of my life and it's been negatively affecting my relationship. I didn't realize this until I was thinking about my motto: "Own Your Truth". It got me to thinking about my truth. And I realized I'm pissed.
My mom and step-dad of 18 years are going through the big "D" right now. I have been an advocate for this for a few years, so I was doing the happy dance when she told me this was finally happening. Well, OK it was more like a bitter, spiteful dance that left me feeling sad and crying. I felt sad for my mom and all her struggles since really the beginning and for my two youngest half-siblings. Divorce sucks anyway you slice it. I've been through it twice before. It is a disgusting, devastating feeling that I don't think anyone can understand until they've been there.
But my tears quickly turned to anger, and this anger really hasn't left me, well...ever, really. I don't know how to let it go. I don't know how to let go of everything he put my mom through. Everything he put me and my brothers and sisters through. I don't know how to erase the things I know, the things I saw, the things I heard. But I know I need to. Because I need to live my life without this dark cloud over my head. Because I need to be able to be happy. Because I need to move on.
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